Happy Father’s Day! 10 Hilarious Quotes from TV Dads to Celebrate The Great Guys On Your Screen And In Your Lives

 

Happy Father’s Day! Today is the day we celebrate all of the dads (and grand-dads) in our lives. Sure, all of our dads have a propensity to tell really corny dad jokes, but every now and then they dole out some wisdom, too. So what better way to celebrate a funny Father’s Day than with some funny quotes from some of the all-time best TV dads? Whether your personal favorite small screen dad is Andre “Dre” Johnson (black-ish), Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond), or even Homer Simpson (The Simpsons), we’ve got some hilarious quotes of theirs in our list below. Enjoy!

Louis Huang (as played by Randall Park)

'Fresh Off The Boat'

QUOTE: “Stay away from Arkansas. They’ve outlawed all the fun stuff.”

Fresh Off The Boat follows the Huang family, who move from Washington D.C.’s Chinatown to Orlando, Florida in 1995 to open a cowboy-themed steakhouse. At the helm of the family is Louis (Park), a kind and upbeat man who embraces all things American (except for Arkansas, it seems). Whether he’s letting his wife, Jessica (Constance Wu), take over the reigns when it comes to being tough and getting rid of some dine and dashers after he fails to do so, or sneaking into the Philadelphia 76ers bus to get his son Eddie (Hudson Yang) an autograph from Allen Iverson (and getting banned from all NBA events for life as a result), this is a guy who’s always doing whatever he can to put his family first, and we thank him for it!

Andre 'Dre' Johnson (as played by Anthony Anderson)

'Black-ish'

QUOTE: “Baby it’s not what it looks like, I just ate too many biscuits. It was an over-the-cover biscuit nap!”

Black-ish revolves around the Johnson family’s lives, as they juggle several personal and sociopolitical issues, namely how they can assimilate into their majority-white community while still honoring their own black backgrounds and identities. Dre (Anderson) is a wealthy advertising executive at Stevens & Lido, who wants to make sure a balance of black culture is intertwined with his family’s ultra-suburban upbringing. After having a difficult childhood growing up in Compton, but worked hard to make a better life for himself. Now, even though he seems to have it all — a beautiful and highly accomplished wife (Tracee Ellis Ross), four (eventually five) great kids, and a beautiful home — he’s not going to rest until he’s helped broaden the minds and perspectives of his family, and oftentimes, learning something, himself, along the way.

Phil Dunphy (as played by Ty Burrell)

'Modern Family'

QUOTE: “I’m the cool dad, that’s my thang. I’m hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG: oh my God. WTF: why the face.”

Modern Family revolves around three different types of families living in the Los Angeles area, who are interrelated through Jay Pritchett (Ed O’Neill) and his children, daughter Claire (Julie Bowen) and son Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson). Claire is married to Phil Dunphy (Burrell), a realtor and self-proclaimed “cool dad” who has the goofiness and awkwardness (and sometimes maturity) of an overgrown kid, and as a result, often embarrasses both his wife and children (but hey, that’s what dads are for). So while he can be a bit of a screw-up or goofball, Phil is ultimately loyal, loving, and — one of the most important traits a dad can have — knows that it’s his wife who’s the boss.

Homer Simpson (as voiced by Dan Castellaneta)

'The Simpsons'

QUOTE: “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.“

As you all probably know, The Simpsons is a long-running animated sitcom that satirically depicts working-class life, as epitomized by the Simpson family, at the helm of which is donut-loving and Duff beer-guzzling dad, Homer Simpson (Castellaneta), who works as a safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Homer is a buffoon whose carelessness often causes trouble for his family and those around him, often making himself his own worst enemy (although he’ll always be convinced that’s Ned Flanders), but despite it all, we love the guy because at the core of him is someone who loves his kids and tall-haired wife Marge (Julie Kavner) and wants to keep them together and happy. D’oh.

Julius Rock (as played by Terry Crews)

'Everybody Hates Chris'

QUOTE: “If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell gas, and you think the house is going to blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here.“

Everybody Hates Chris is based on the childhood of (and narrated by) comedian Chris Rock and chronicles the misadventures of teenager Chris as he grows up in 1980s Brooklyn surrounded by his eccentric family. Leading the Rock crew is Julius (Crews), an extremely hard worker who is typically holding two or three jobs at once to try to make ends meet for his family. Julius is extremely frugal and is quick to discourage wastefulness and able to calculate how much of a thing — whether it’s milk leftover from a bowl of cereal or electricity used to power an alarm — is being wasted or misused down to the last cent. So sure, it’s hard to get the guy to splurge on or pay full price for something, and he doesn’t always give the most coherent or simple advice, but everything he does, he does out of worry, devotion, and love for his family.

Ignacio Suarez (as played by Tony Plana)

'Ugly Betty'

QUOTE: “Everybody on my side of the family has big crazy chompers.“

The series focuses on the life of wannabe writer Betty Suarez (America Ferrera), a plain girl from Queens, N.Y., who is smart, hardworking and savvy but has a different sense of style. Betty’s dad is Ignacio (Plana), who has raised Betty and her sister, Hilda, mostly by himself after the passing of his wife. Ignacio is a former amateur boxer who came undocumented to the United States from Mexico to be with the woman he loved while working as her and her abusive husband’s chef. Everything he does is driven by love and support for his daughters, even though he doesn’t always understand them or their pursuits, and it’s that kind unconditional love that makes dads so special.

Ray Barone (as played by Ray Romano)

'Everybody Loves Raymond'

QUOTE:

Ray: All three kids asleep. You thought I couldn’t get Ally to take a nap.

Debra: Good job, honey.

Ray: Yeah. By the way, tomorrow we have to buy a pony.

Ray Barone (Romano) is a successful sports writer and family man who deals with his brother and parents, who just so happen to live across the street and are always coming over to meddle in Ray and his wife (Patricia Heaton) and kids’ lives. Ray hates conflict and picking sides, especially when it comes to his mother (Doris Roberts), who is often at odds with his wife, Debra, and he’s not great at serious conversations or being emotionally vulnerable. Even so, Ray is a good guy with a wonderful sense of humor (which is what got Debra to fall for him in the first place). He may not be dad of the year, but he clearly cares, and, you know, the guy is trying.

Michael Bluth Jr. (as played by Jason Bateman)

'Arrested Development'

QUOTE: “Oh, maybe I should be a little bit more like you when it comes to parenting, huh? No borders, no limits, ‘Go ahead, touch the Cornballer, you know best.'”

In Arrested Development, Michael Bluth (Bateman) tries to juggle the wants and needs of his spoiled and eccentric family (including a father in jail, a part-time magician brother, and emotionally abusive mother) while being a good role model for his teenage son, George Michael, who he has been raising alone after the death of his wife. Michael is the straightman in a world of weirdos, doing whatever he can to stop his family from getting too dependent on him while still trying to hold them all together, get their father out of jail, and keep the family real estate business afloat after they lose their success and wealth due to their father’s own corruption. Clearly, Michael has his hands majorly full, but he’s doing the best to keep it together for the sake of the people he loves. It may not be the family he would’ve chosen, but it’s what he’s got. We salute you, Michael, and are glad you’re taking care of the Bluths so we don’t have to.

George Jefferson (as played by Sherman Hemsley)

'The Jeffersons'

QUOTE: “If I paid you to think, you could cash your check at the penny arcade.”

The Jeffersons is a spinoff from All in the Family that is about literal upward mobility, as African- American couple George (Hemsley) and Louise (Isabel Sanford) Jefferson move out of Queens and into a swanky high-rise building in Manhattan thanks to the success of George’s business. George is the owner of a growing and prosperous dry cleaning chain in New York City. Although he is (like him former neighbor Archie Bunker) frequently opinionated, rude, bigoted, prone to scheming, George is a clever, hard-working man who is determined to make money to support and advance him and his family into a better life, and is lucky to have endlessly patient Louise by his side to keep him in check and learning from his mistakes. Flaws and all, he’s among the kings of the original sitcom dads and we love the guy for everything he’s given and shown us over the years.

Murray Goldberg (as played by Jeff Garlin)

'The Goldbergs'

QUOTE: “Green light, people! Green light! Why aren’t you moving? Son of a [beep]! You’re letting him in?! He’s part of a funeral! That could be a hundred cars! What kind of crossing guard crosses one kid at a time?! You got to group ’em and herd ’em!”

The Goldbergs takes place in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania and shows the reality of the 1980s through a preadolescent’s, and later in the series, teenager’s, eyes, as we follow Adam Goldberg (Sean Giambrone) and his chaotic, high-strung, tight-knit family. Murray (Garlin) is the patriarch of the Goldberg family and is quick to anger and become annoyed with his kids, especially when all he really wants is left alone to watch some TV after a long day of work selling furniture. While his version of parenting is to call his kids morons and not being overtly affectionate or doting, he loves them and wants them to grow up able to fend for themselves. Also, like many of these great dads, he’s wise enough to know that his wife (Wendi McLendon-Covey) is the boss, and that she makes up for what he lacks.